To tell you our story is to tell you of him.

We returned to our church today! 

It felt so wonderful to be welcomed by so many, the ones who prayed for us, mourned with us through the most trying times and celebrated the true miracle that is our story. 

I am always reminded that he is with me and showing me that beauty can be made from tragedy. To tell of our story is to tell you of him. 

I am so thankful for this song today. 

Every word of it. 

If I told you my story

You would hear Hope that wouldn't let go

And if I told you my story

You would hear Love that never gave up

And if I told you my story

You would hear Life, but it wasn't mine

If I should speak then let it be

Of the grace that is greater than all my sin

Of when justice was served and where mercy wins

Of the kindness of Jesus that draws me in

Oh to tell you my story is to tell of Him

If I told you my story

You would hear victory over the enemy

And if I told you my story

You would hear freedom that was won for me

And if I told you my story

You would hear Life overcome the grave

If I should speak then let it be

Of the grace that is greater than all my sin

Of when justice was served and where mercy wins

Of the kindness of Jesus that draws me in

Oh to tell you my story is to tell of Him

This is my story, this is my song

Praising my savior all the day long

For the grace that is greater than all my sin

Of when justice was served and where mercy wins

Of the kindness of Jesus that draws me in

Oh to tell you my story is to tell

For the grace that is greater than all my sin

Of when justice was served and where mercy wins

Of the kindness of Jesus that draws me in

Oh to tell you my story is to tell of Him

This is my story, this is my song

Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end.

ECC 3:11

JuJu Be Triplet Diaper Bag!

I recently learned about JuJu Be, at first I was scared away by their prices, but after digging deeper into what their bags have to offer... I can see the benefit and it swayed me to purchase a JuJu Be BRB in the admiral print.

They keep you organized like I've never seen! The design is very thought out and reallllly genius in my opinion! 

The fabric is soft and it's Teflon coating wicks away moisture. Can we just talk about the pattern- Im in LOVE. Im obsessed with anchor at the moment {perfect for my summer bag!}

I'll admit I have 3 diaper bags... 

This BRB (I needed a back pack option!)

And TWO Skip Hop Duos, one in French strip and the other on their herringbone pattern. The herringbone will be my dressy/winter bag. 

Ok back on topic.

The BRB has a totally of 13 (ish) pockets. (5 interior and 8 exterior)

So let's start...

•••••••••••••••••••••

•••••••••••••••••••

Very front pocket. Magnetic snap closure 

And place for photo.

I keep cash or card here whatever I will use frequently. My hands are full I don't want to dig for my wallet and search for money/cards. Love the photo area. Makes it feel personal- and if they are screaming... I can take a moment and look at how sweet they can be:) behind the photo I have a little piece of paper "return of found" 

with my Name, Address, Phone number.

The "mommy pocket"

Everything for me (mostly...).

Yes that's a built in sungls pouch! And you can clean your lenses safely with it! 

There's a second elastic pouch where I keep Advil, eye drops, Chapstick/lipgloss.

Another mesh elastic pocket toward the bottom I keep a tide to go pen and sanitizer surface wipes. There's a long tether with a clip on the end, I attached hand sanitizer and a coin purse. 

It's a pretty deep pocket, plenty of space! 

This is a specialty lined pocket to protect your phone, or anything else that could scratch! I believe it's felt... It felt like felt (lol). It's soft.

Now for the LARGE main compartment-

It has a place to keep wipes (secured by elastic.) below is another mesh pocket I use for rolled up receiving blankets, extra diapers, or a few bottles. 

They purple bag is by "Twelve Little".

I LOVE IT. It comes with a long strap that you can clip to the small d-rings and wear as a cross body with just the essentials. More details next photo.

The zipper panel pocket is great for extra clothes (or dirty clothes), bibs, flat folded blankets... 

The black and white bag is my first aide kit. Filled with hand wipes, Gas drops, Kleenex and my suction.

Inside the Twelvelittle bag (www.twelvelittle.com)... More wipes and more diapers (because I blow through them!) elastic holds the wipes in place, the zipper bag in the middle is detachable and reattches by snaps. It's mesh on one side to breathable. It also has a matching changing pad. 

Again, it has the strap that makes the bag into a cross body- I can grab them and go if I need to do a quick run in somewhere and not tote the whole bag. 

I'm alittle frugal... After the price tag of the bag, I refused to buy their stroller clips "be connected" so I got these clips at Home Depot. If I rig them just right they work... I attached to the D rings and can hang from my snap and go stroller. I can also clip my keys here for easy access. 

There are two side pockets that I keep 2 bottles on one side and the formula container on the other side. 

They are surprisingly deep, roomy pockets!! 

My new paci pod!{separately}

I chose a different but coordinating pattern. It fits 2 pacis and they are held in by elastic. You could also use this for Chapstick/lipstick. 

(Back up pacis)

Yes I have 3 babies, and yes this is only 2, what are the chances all three of the first pacis hit the ground. Haha. 

Don't jinx me. 

Top handle pocket. I keep my wallet here. It's the perfect spot. It's quite large.

You could use it alone for first aide, or formula packets.... Etc.

(or an extra shirt Incase of spit up catastrophe)

Back large panel pocket. This is where you find the changing pad- I use it for paperwork, great iPads, small laptops etc! It's great for travel! 

 There is memory foam on the back panel that presses against your back making it very comfy and padded straps also. 

Ask any questions:) 

I'm open to anyone else's tips and tricks!

Xo

1 year.

May 2 2016

365 days since I last saw your little faces.

Life is so wonderful and more than I could ever imagined possible a year ago. It looks almost perfect from the outside looking in, but the truth is, it's never going to be fully complete just like I'll never fully heal. All these emotions and memories only become tolerable, never easier. 

I was sent three perfect miracles that have brought a level of healing some people will never have. How such an amazing blessing landed in my lap is only explained by a miracle. 

Sometimes I just like to pretend you three were sent back to me... And you really aren't gone.

Thank you for my perfect miracles. I know you guarded them&

I look for each of you in their faces. 

I will share (for the benefit of others that are or will brave the journey again...)

This pregnancy I put myself on auto pilot just wanted to get past the weeks and to the day I would meet them... Some days, most days, I believed I would lose them also. Constantly waiting for the "other shoe to drop" why wouldn't it... When something so horrific has happened once, you'll never feel exempt from disaster again. You'll never say never... 

You actually believe it's just part of your normal. I was actually convinced if nothing happened to them... It would be me. I was not going to be able to enjoy them... They weren't "real" yet, and maybe they never would be to me.

I was petrified during the entire csection... Waiting for my stats to drop, blood loss, I was the crazy patient that in the days leading up I was asking about iron infusions and blood transfusions to make sure I could have control of something... I would do anything to make sure it all went ok.

Time ticked by so slow it seemed like forever while I was in the middle of it, but now it's over, they are here. Safe. So I am. It happened So much faster than I thought possible. It's bitter sweet. I don't regret being fearful or closing myself up- that's what you do when you've lost a child, children and you've been put back at the start of a scary similar race...

BUT

 If there's one thing I've learned is time stops for no one. It keeps going and that's a good thing because it keeps you going too. For now my mind is still trying to catch up to my body.. 
I'm desperately trying to comprehend the fact they are indeed mine, all mine.
They are here with me...

To my children, What an amazing gift you've given me and what priceless lessons you've all taught me. You've given me something to stand for and live for. I will not stop talking, because my children are worth talking about and what I suffered through, my diagnosis, was and IS preventable. 

I WILL speak out for my children, and for others. 

Our Family Tradition.

May 2015

May 2, 2016

To know me Is to know them. 

Who I am right now, today, is because of them. I have more compassion, empathy and sensitivity than I've ever carried. They are a blessing not a sad story. 

Almost that time.

As we near the 1 year mark I can't help but be overwhelmed with devastating sadness,  but over come with incredible joy. A year ago we were on top of the world... The excitement would only last 5 months. 

We desperately tried to save them and keep them safe inside. Everyone was so optimistic, but it's like I already knew the outcome. 

My body has both let me down far past anything I thought I could recover from, but gave me the three miracles I sit here and stare at....

I'm stuck between two places, where I was a year ago... And where I am now.

There are no words to say how remarkable it is to be here staring at 3 babies that were promised on Jax Stella and Beck's birthday (had they been born @40 weeks) I used this as a sign, a promise everything would be ok.

I also just realized, while it can happen In multiples (once a baby is removed it creates more room and they shift during birth), but they were born in the same order. Aspen was actually baby C and Cross B- 

Jax was A

Stella B

Beck C

...

Asher A

Aspen B

Cross C

There were so many signs, too many to ignore, I never should have doubted everything was going to be ok. Every once in awhile Id even hear a voice say that..., "everything is going to be ok"... 

It was. It still is.

Happy International Bereaved Mother's Day.

I'll never forget ANY story that was shared with me, I remember them all! 

Don't feel forgotten. 

God is good, he will make it right in his time. 

Tomorrow will be the day and we will continue our tradition... I'll

Share these details soon:)

We couldn't be more touched to be able to include their siblings this year!