May 2 2016

365 days since I last saw your little faces.

Life is so wonderful and more than I could ever imagined possible a year ago. It looks almost perfect from the outside looking in, but the truth is, it's never going to be fully complete just like I'll never fully heal. All these emotions and memories only become tolerable, never easier. 

I was sent three perfect miracles that have brought a level of healing some people will never have. How such an amazing blessing landed in my lap is only explained by a miracle. 

Sometimes I just like to pretend you three were sent back to me... And you really aren't gone.

Thank you for my perfect miracles. I know you guarded them&

I look for each of you in their faces. 

I will share (for the benefit of others that are or will brave the journey again...)

This pregnancy I put myself on auto pilot just wanted to get past the weeks and to the day I would meet them... Some days, most days, I believed I would lose them also. Constantly waiting for the "other shoe to drop" why wouldn't it... When something so horrific has happened once, you'll never feel exempt from disaster again. You'll never say never... 

You actually believe it's just part of your normal. I was actually convinced if nothing happened to them... It would be me. I was not going to be able to enjoy them... They weren't "real" yet, and maybe they never would be to me.

I was petrified during the entire csection... Waiting for my stats to drop, blood loss, I was the crazy patient that in the days leading up I was asking about iron infusions and blood transfusions to make sure I could have control of something... I would do anything to make sure it all went ok.

Time ticked by so slow it seemed like forever while I was in the middle of it, but now it's over, they are here. Safe. So I am. It happened So much faster than I thought possible. It's bitter sweet. I don't regret being fearful or closing myself up- that's what you do when you've lost a child, children and you've been put back at the start of a scary similar race...

BUT

 If there's one thing I've learned is time stops for no one. It keeps going and that's a good thing because it keeps you going too. For now my mind is still trying to catch up to my body.. 
I'm desperately trying to comprehend the fact they are indeed mine, all mine.
They are here with me...

To my children, What an amazing gift you've given me and what priceless lessons you've all taught me. You've given me something to stand for and live for. I will not stop talking, because my children are worth talking about and what I suffered through, my diagnosis, was and IS preventable. 

I WILL speak out for my children, and for others. 

Our Family Tradition.

May 2015

May 2, 2016

To know me Is to know them. 

Who I am right now, today, is because of them. I have more compassion, empathy and sensitivity than I've ever carried. They are a blessing not a sad story. 

SHOWER!

We were lucky enough be given two beautiful showers by amazing friends and family who love us and the babies SO much. We constantly feel supported and encouraged by those around us and that is the BEST gift.


My first Shower was given at 25 weeks and I was feeling pretty good, measuring in at around 32(ish) weeks... Most recently at 29 weeks I attended my 2nd! Boy, does 4 weeks make a difference when your carrying triplets! We played a game at the first shower where they measured "my circumference"... we repeated this game recently I've grown 3-4 inches around! I'm feeling it, but I am too blessed to be stressed.

These days I'm measuring around 38(ish) weeks!We are doing great, healthy and if we continue this trend we hope to make it 4-6 more weeks!

We want the healthiest premies we can manage so the longer we keep cooking the less time they will be on feed tubes, in isolation, hooked up to monitors etc.

DRINK OFF! Apple Juice out of Bottle, Jordan was a CHAMP.

I was really worried I would be on bed rest, hospital or at home by this time, but I am amazed by the TAC how secure it's made me feel. It's a God send, and without I know we would not be here!

We have an article coming out in Shattered Magazine this summer-

Please stay tuned I can't wait to share it with all of you. It's all about our journey over the past year.

We are of course overwhelmed by the amount of gifts and support!

Thanks a million we can never tell you enough.