May 2 2016

365 days since I last saw your little faces.

Life is so wonderful and more than I could ever imagined possible a year ago. It looks almost perfect from the outside looking in, but the truth is, it's never going to be fully complete just like I'll never fully heal. All these emotions and memories only become tolerable, never easier. 

I was sent three perfect miracles that have brought a level of healing some people will never have. How such an amazing blessing landed in my lap is only explained by a miracle. 

Sometimes I just like to pretend you three were sent back to me... And you really aren't gone.

Thank you for my perfect miracles. I know you guarded them&

I look for each of you in their faces. 

I will share (for the benefit of others that are or will brave the journey again...)

This pregnancy I put myself on auto pilot just wanted to get past the weeks and to the day I would meet them... Some days, most days, I believed I would lose them also. Constantly waiting for the "other shoe to drop" why wouldn't it... When something so horrific has happened once, you'll never feel exempt from disaster again. You'll never say never... 

You actually believe it's just part of your normal. I was actually convinced if nothing happened to them... It would be me. I was not going to be able to enjoy them... They weren't "real" yet, and maybe they never would be to me.

I was petrified during the entire csection... Waiting for my stats to drop, blood loss, I was the crazy patient that in the days leading up I was asking about iron infusions and blood transfusions to make sure I could have control of something... I would do anything to make sure it all went ok.

Time ticked by so slow it seemed like forever while I was in the middle of it, but now it's over, they are here. Safe. So I am. It happened So much faster than I thought possible. It's bitter sweet. I don't regret being fearful or closing myself up- that's what you do when you've lost a child, children and you've been put back at the start of a scary similar race...

BUT

 If there's one thing I've learned is time stops for no one. It keeps going and that's a good thing because it keeps you going too. For now my mind is still trying to catch up to my body.. 
I'm desperately trying to comprehend the fact they are indeed mine, all mine.
They are here with me...

To my children, What an amazing gift you've given me and what priceless lessons you've all taught me. You've given me something to stand for and live for. I will not stop talking, because my children are worth talking about and what I suffered through, my diagnosis, was and IS preventable. 

I WILL speak out for my children, and for others. 

Our Family Tradition.

May 2015

May 2, 2016

To know me Is to know them. 

Who I am right now, today, is because of them. I have more compassion, empathy and sensitivity than I've ever carried. They are a blessing not a sad story. 

"34 weeks"

My babies are 2 weeks old!

or "34 weeks"

Oh my!

My "goal" was 34 weeks, but what a wonderful surprise

 to get to meet them earlier than expected.

How blessed we are that they are so healthy and learning what they need to come home with us! 

Over the past week they have lost alittle weight, but then gained it back plus more. Asher and Aspen are wearing big boy and girl clothes! No more just diapers. Cross our tiny boy wore his first outfit today! He just needs a bit more fat to help him maintain his body temp and will be catching up soon!

Last week Aspen and Asher's oxygen was removed, Cross did not require any since birth, no more IVs, they are now feeder-growers! They are tolerating their feeds and taking their vitamins:). 

The doctor ordered a brain sono just as a precaution, major problems are rare at 32 weeks, but I'm thankful for the extra Checking. Everything was normal. 

They are starting to learn how to eat orally, they are making great progress and eating more everytime we try. Aspen is food motivated! Most of the time she takes her whole feed in the bottle, if she keeps this up she will be coming home first!

They love to be held and we love to hold them... 

They make the sweetest noises like little baby dinosaurs. 

The last few days have been pretty exciting (for me). 

Saturday

We had a photographer from "The tiny footprints project" come take photos of them. It's a wonderful organization that provides this free service to NICU families. We will look back on these memories and smile. We are so blessed. There is currently only photography for the DFW area, so if you are a photographer please consider donating alittle of your time- what a beautiful service you'd be providing. 

Today 

I got to snuggle them all skin to skin -together- for the first time. Cross thought he was an only child and was enjoying his freedom... He was a worm and fussy, then he got some lunch in his tummy and settled down alittle. It was pretty magical.

 I still can't believe they are mine... 

Here are some pictures our nurse took while the photographer was there so I could have a few now, I'm so impatient! 

And some pictures from today... Our skin to skin time. 

Thanks to everyone for being apart of our journey. We have no clue how we got so lucky. 

This is what a MIRACLE looks like...

Aspen, Cross, Asher 

If you think my hands are full, you should see my heart. 

Soon enough they will be too big to hold together. 

God IS Good.

They're here!

It's been a week!
What a week it has been.

I certainly didn't expect to goto my (32 week) 

appointment and then be told we are delivering TODAY!

I was sad and glad. Sad that I couldn't not get them further, but GLAD they would be soon be out and in my arms safe... I was starting to have anxiety everyday that something was going to happen.

We made it.  

WAITING...

Scrubbing in

Here comes Daddy!

More waiting...

Here we go... Major panic behind the smile.

Everyone was excited!  

And... they're coming... 

Hard work having 3 babies. I need a nap.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Today they are one week old and are doing SO well.   They will be in the NICU for at least 3-4 weeks, they are all "Feeders/Growers", off oxygen, IVs and only having feeding tubes. They start to bottle feed this week. Another answered prayer, they are moving right along for being born early.

We are so impressed and PROUD. 

 Asher born at 6:01 PM  3lbs. 10oz

Aspen born at 6:02 PM  3lbs. 14oz

Cross at 6:02 PM.  2lbs. 15oz

Thanks for being apart of our journey. 

God is SO good.

Holding them is surreal

We have been abundantly blessed.

Triplet Nursery

My super awesome handy man husband transformed our nursery.

(With my design guidance of course)

First we sheet rocked, sanded and textured the walls.
Then put in the new flooring, and The accent wall. 

{befores}

I've taken up the motto {awhile ago} less is more. 

{unless your talking about diapers and wipes, and in that case more is more!}

{afters}

When you have a very small space every.inch.counts.!

So I've shown ways we've tired to maximize space. First major hurdle is we don't have a "real" closet, but eventually the rod will go all the across versus the small sections, and the dresser will move to another wall. The dresser is stock up with tons of sleepers/onesies/swaddles -matching sets of 3-

I've been really impressed with how we've made it work. 

Next storage- Under cribs- AKA Diaper/wipe stock pile storage

We've managed to fit over 1000 diapers, and 10 boxes of wipes. {and still going}.

A peak of our wipe pile and just a few diapers.

The compact book shelves are ideal, small, functional and handmade (aka cheap!) 

And I have a hanging organizer behind the door with my random small stuff.

Snuzas, batteries, samples, etc. 

next project-{door to be painted}

-target-

SHOUT OUT TO

4moms who sent us 2 more mamaRoos! 

Impressed by a company that has such a love for their fans and supportive of multiple families.

We can't wait to have our babies enjoying them in a month!

We are 31 weeks today!
We are so excited to be meeting them at some point in the next month.
We can not believe we've made it this far, we are thankful for my health and theirs.
GOD IS GOOD.